Why do I travel? I find myself asking that question over and over.

This was prompted by encounters with people who also travel. One travels because she loves animals and loves seeing them in their natural habitat. Another goes out of his way to participate in different festivals around the country. Another one got the bug from her father, and travels to immerse herself in the culture.

Why do I travel? It’s not for the animals, I’m not that much of an animal lover, though swimming with the whale shark was an awesome experience. It’s not because of the festivals, unless you count the Sydney Mardi Gras. It’s certainly not because of the culture, because culture for me starts and ends with food.

I find myself lacking the passion for traveling lately. I’ve carefully marked the dates when I’ll have a long weekend and planned on making the most out of them and going out of town. I already know the places I want to go to, but somehow, I can’t bring myself to finalize any plans. The days are coming and going, and I can’t decide whether to go. I’ve come to a decision several times, but I find myself changing my mind and stalling a bit more. Soon, May will be here and I will be left with nowhere to go.

And I don’t think that I’d mind that much. There are so many things on my mind lately, and the only thing I want to do is to escape. That’s why I travel I think. To escape. To leave my life for a moment and for a couple of days, live the life of another person. Only to come back to the same mess I left behind.

I’m always craving for something new. It doesn’t have to be overly exciting; change is enough excitement for me. I don’t really feel the need to travel right now; I just want to escape. And the place I want to escape to is the place that has always been labeled as the last place I want to travel to.

I never liked joining contests. I don’t like getting all excited, day dreaming of what I’d do with my prize and getting my hopes up only to have it crash back down because I didn’t win.

I’m never really competitive. I never thought I’m good at anything, so I never made any effort. Besides, I don’t like making effort. And I don’t like to lose.

But this year has been different. Since the start of 2008, I found myself actively joining contests online. There was this one contest where we had to submit photos from an event. Another contest asked for reasons why you should win. I made a serious effort for all my entries; I can’t allow myself to submit anything half-baked. It has to be good, and it has to be worthy to be called mine.

I never won. Not once. I am a bitter loser. Because of all the effort I put into my entry, I nitpick the other contender’s entries. I hate losing, specially if I know I did my best.

But I’ll never stop joining. As someone who hardly participates, I now find myself determined to win. To be recognized for my hard work.

I am changing. And I want to change.

The mind is a powerful thing. Things are always better when you’re in a good mood, always sour when you’re in a bad mood. And things are always dark and dreary when you’re down.

And I’m down right now.

The smallest things annoy me, and I find it hard to open up to people. I’m not me when I’m like this, but at the same time, this IS me.

To top it off, even my stats are commiserating with me — they’re down as well. Crap.

I just realized that I should be thankful that I met you.

If we hadn’t met and became friends, I might have never thought to click on that “Create your own Geocities Website” icon. I might never developed my love and hate relationship with HTML.

If I hadn’t met you over 10 years ago, I might never have started keeping an online journal. I might never even thought about blogging.

If I hadn’t met you then, my life might not have fallen into place.

Find out what the drama is all about over at My Internet Lifestyle.

One way to get over someone is to think badly of them. Instead of wistfully remembering the good times you’ve had, think of all the times the other person has disappointed you.

But you know what? I don’t feel like writing how awful a person you are. No more negative vibes. I’ve had enough.

Have you ever found yourself in a grave you dug for yourself?

Do you stop and pull yourself out of it or dig deeper and deeper into trouble?

You know the situation’s getting worse yet you just keep on digging.

And digging.

And digging.

Deeper.

And deeper.

Because it’s fun.