There’s nothing wrong with playing games or wanting toys. It’s when you forget about your responsibility that’s the problem.

We’ll always be kids at heart, but we must always remember the consequences adulthood brings. Maturity comes at a price. Immaturity gets old very fast.

Soon there would be no time to play games, but we can always go back to relive our childhood.

Everybody has to move on.

The time to part is near. The signs that points to the end has long been apparent. Our efforts to rebuilt what once was, was all for naught. It’s not to say that it wasn’t worth it, but it’s time to go our separate ways.

It’s clear now that we follow different paths. I can never be what you want to me to be, and you will never become the person I’ve always envisioned you to be. This parting is tearing me apart, but deep inside, I am beginning to accept that it’s time to leave and move on.

It has been a wonderful ride. I don’t regret any of the things that happened. It’s just sad that we have to say goodbye.

It seemed at the beginning of the year that I’ve lost the desire to travel. Well, it’s there, it’s just that unlike the previous years, I was more laid back. Whereas before I’d spent countless hours and days of mad research, I’m now content to sit back and just go whereever I feel like going.

No long term planning, no checking to see whether the stars and planets are aligned just right on my travel dates. I’m happy to stay put in Manila.

This sounds pretty contradicting to what I’ve been writing about in my travel blog. I’ve been to a couple of trips out of town, but they’ve been organized by other people. Frankly, I don’t mind taking the back seat and letting other people take charge and make the decisions for me.

The upside was that I’m making an effort to explore Manila. Whereas before I dread having to go to Manila, now I’m looking forward to it. In the past five months, I’ve been to Manila more times than I’ve been in the past five years. The dirt and chaos that I’ve always complained about are the very things I love about this city.

But now I get that feeling stirring inside. That old wanderlust, which I thought I’ve lost. I kinda feel like a traitor, but I suddenly got this strong feeling of homesickness for Melbourne. I guess I loved Melbourne more than I thought. But Melbourne can wait. Manila needs me.

Why do I travel? I find myself asking that question over and over.

This was prompted by encounters with people who also travel. One travels because she loves animals and loves seeing them in their natural habitat. Another goes out of his way to participate in different festivals around the country. Another one got the bug from her father, and travels to immerse herself in the culture.

Why do I travel? It’s not for the animals, I’m not that much of an animal lover, though swimming with the whale shark was an awesome experience. It’s not because of the festivals, unless you count the Sydney Mardi Gras. It’s certainly not because of the culture, because culture for me starts and ends with food.

I find myself lacking the passion for traveling lately. I’ve carefully marked the dates when I’ll have a long weekend and planned on making the most out of them and going out of town. I already know the places I want to go to, but somehow, I can’t bring myself to finalize any plans. The days are coming and going, and I can’t decide whether to go. I’ve come to a decision several times, but I find myself changing my mind and stalling a bit more. Soon, May will be here and I will be left with nowhere to go.

And I don’t think that I’d mind that much. There are so many things on my mind lately, and the only thing I want to do is to escape. That’s why I travel I think. To escape. To leave my life for a moment and for a couple of days, live the life of another person. Only to come back to the same mess I left behind.

I’m always craving for something new. It doesn’t have to be overly exciting; change is enough excitement for me. I don’t really feel the need to travel right now; I just want to escape. And the place I want to escape to is the place that has always been labeled as the last place I want to travel to.

I never liked joining contests. I don’t like getting all excited, day dreaming of what I’d do with my prize and getting my hopes up only to have it crash back down because I didn’t win.

I’m never really competitive. I never thought I’m good at anything, so I never made any effort. Besides, I don’t like making effort. And I don’t like to lose.

But this year has been different. Since the start of 2008, I found myself actively joining contests online. There was this one contest where we had to submit photos from an event. Another contest asked for reasons why you should win. I made a serious effort for all my entries; I can’t allow myself to submit anything half-baked. It has to be good, and it has to be worthy to be called mine.

I never won. Not once. I am a bitter loser. Because of all the effort I put into my entry, I nitpick the other contender’s entries. I hate losing, specially if I know I did my best.

But I’ll never stop joining. As someone who hardly participates, I now find myself determined to win. To be recognized for my hard work.

I am changing. And I want to change.

The mind is a powerful thing. Things are always better when you’re in a good mood, always sour when you’re in a bad mood. And things are always dark and dreary when you’re down.

And I’m down right now.

The smallest things annoy me, and I find it hard to open up to people. I’m not me when I’m like this, but at the same time, this IS me.

To top it off, even my stats are commiserating with me — they’re down as well. Crap.